I need help with spelling, punctuation
Your Counterstory as a Descriptive Personal Narrative (Feedback)
Overall Feedback
Ideas/Content
You demonstrated a clear purpose and appropriate tone in your narrative. Your story about Luna is heartfelt and shows your deep connection with animals. For example, you described Luna’s transformation and how it impacted your life and career choices. However, the narrative could benefit from more specific examples to support your ideas. For instance, you could include more detailed anecdotes about your interactions with Luna to illustrate the emotional journey more vividly. One passage that stands out is: ‘Her unconditional forgiveness and trust taught me about the transformative power of empathy and resilience.’ To improve, try to incorporate more specific moments that highlight these lessons.
Organization
Your essay has a clear central theme and uses multiple rhetorical modes, such as narration and reflection. The structure is generally clear, with a beginning, middle, and end. For example, you start with your initial connection to animals, move through your experiences with Luna, and conclude with the broader impact on your life. However, some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the flow of your narrative. For instance, the shift from describing Luna’s initial condition to her transformation could be more seamless. One passage that could use a smoother transition is: ‘However, the dramatic change of behavior was a day she, out of the blue, moved closer to me…’ To improve, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through your story more fluidly.
Word Choice and Conventions
Your word choice is strong, and your narrative flows well. You use descriptive language effectively to convey emotions and settings. For example, you describe Luna’s eyes as ‘wary’ and her fur as ‘matted,’ which helps paint a vivid picture. However, there are a few minor issues with writing conventions, such as grammar and punctuation, that need attention. For instance, ‘abundant’ should be ‘abandoned.’ One passage that could be revised is: ‘The prevailing perception around rescued animals typically painted them as broken or damaged creatures requiring fixing.’ To improve, carefully proofread your work to catch and correct these minor errors.
Submission Guidelines
You met all the specified requirements for the essay. Your narrative is well over 750 words, and you included a clear counterstory that challenges a prevailing narrative. Additionally, you provided a works cited section with appropriate references. One passage that demonstrates adherence to the guidelines is: ‘Her story has impacted my professional ambition and academic pursuit.’ To maintain this level of excellence, continue to follow the assignment instructions closely and ensure all required elements are included.
